i wanted to share some christmas moments, memories
as many others are at this time.
coming out the "other side" of christmas day and reflecting on it all
leaves me cherishing the beautiful moments.

christmas 2010 meant for me:
the joy of seeing my brother in law and sister in law safely home from africa on christmas eve
our children opening and enjoying thier stocking treasures on our bed christmas morning
staying up late chatting with my mom and brother
sitting with my sister and watching our toddlers colour together by the fire
and, of course, a renewed love for Jesus.


and there you have it. I found this year to be much more simplifed and way less stressed than past years. I am so grateful for that.

broken glass

nothing changes the pace of my day quite like broken glass.
you know what i mean.
the day is going along swimmingly
everyone is full from lunch and about to run off and play for a few minutes
with full bellies and renewed energy
the children clear the table obediently and you start to daydream about all the things you are needing to do/get done.
the aftenoon will be productive and you -

SMASH!!!!
crack shatter bam tinkle...crunch.......

"NOBODY MOVE!"
"don't worry mom", the five year old at fault looks at you with puppy dog eys, "I know I'm not in trouble, it was an accidnet. I even was thinking that plates can break so i took it from the table extra careful."

unfortunately gorgeous tile in the kitchen = broken dishes

so, the positives.
I didn't yell.(despite my use of capital letters a few lines up)
it made us all start to move a little slower (always a good thing)
my floors got swept, vaccumed, and washed!
I have one less dish to wash.

simplify. right?!?!

in and out

ah

I sit here with my tea,
my adorable little red notebook (net book?)
and I am drawing one big, overwhelmingly humongous blank.

see, the thing is
I am alone.
actually alone.

for a homeschooling mother with a nursing toddler I can tell you that this doesn't happen very often.

I have a pile of laundry to put away (don't mind washing it, or folding it but it never seems to get put away)
and I know that I would feel very good seeing a clean room
with empty baskets
but I would like to blog.

so, here I am with nothing to say.
no inspiring words.
just breathing in and out.
and letting my fingers type.

my ginger tea warms me on this dreary day
and I see the mug as half full.

I am not always a half full kind of person

but today I am
this was a nice day.

we have finished a full month of school
the roller coaster has been up, way up
and down

waaa
a
a

aaa
aaa
y

down.

we always start september with expectations,
to learn lots and have fun fun fun!
but with (my) expectations come
over scheduled days,
and way too many workbooks (will I ever learn?)

so.
where do you go once the roller coaster stops?

well, that's easy
you jump off and run as fast as you can to get in line for the next wild ride!

I am quite sure I won't get on here to write for another week or so,
it seems to be my pattern.
lots of wonderful and wild things will happen around here from now until then
probably involving food, and baby poop, friends, books, music, clothing, nature, paint and clay, cuddles and... well... lets face it, more baby poop
you know, all that life stuff
I will have no time to document it,
and when I finally do I will have very little to say

but
that is life, is it not?
a lot of regular stuff
in with some fancy fun now and then
a fight or two to upset things
but loads of forgiveness
smiles
collapsing exhausted on the couch with my spouse once the kids are asleep
but saving just enough of myself for those last hours of the day.
a moment to reflect
to connect
and to imagine the possibilities of the following day

30

woke up to breakfast in bed from my eight year old pixie.
angels singing to me and jumping on me.
love.
cocoa quinoa puffed cereal with delicious raw milk.
and a muffin.
some new chapstick. and a new cd.

ingrid michaelson.
if you haven't heard this girl go have a listen

first song that came on said what i was feeling today.

I woke up this morning with a funny taste in my head
Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread
Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue
Something tastes different, suddenly I'm not so young

I'm just a stranger, even to myself
A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf

and so, with my cup of coffee and my babies around me i welcome this day...this year...this decade...ready to embrace...
hello life.

are you missing someone today?
someone living.
someone passed.
is someone on your heart, but out of sight?

i miss my baby brother today.
he is across the pond in Ireland for the year.
i am so excited for him, that he is there, but I can't help but ache to see him.

you know those people that always make your day better when you seen them. whether you were having a good day already, or it was one of those you would rather leave - that person enters it and your day is instantly taken up a level.

i miss my husband.
he just left for work.
he is only 15 minutes away. and I can talk to him on the phone at any time.
but i still miss him.

you know those people that you are around constantly and never get sick of. you are so use to being with them you feel strange and a bit empty when you are not.

i miss my paternal grandfather.
i never met him. he died years before i was even born.
i miss knowing him. i wonder what it would feel like to have him look into my eyes and smile at me. hug me.


you know that person you have heard all the stories about? you know that if you could just meet them you would get along swimmingly. one more person in your life to love. is it even possible to miss the unknown? or is that another emotion all together?

i am not sad today. i didn't mean for this post to sound so.
i am just missing some people.....
does that mean i am sad.
does missing = sorrow?
no
but I do have three kisses for three men i can't presently kiss.

i better go plant them on my babies!

(who are you missing today?)

death by comparison.

I am dying a very slow death. in some terrible way it is more like a suicide at times.
little by little, each day, I compare.
I compare myself.
to others
to you.
and every now and then I am blessed with the passing ability to recognise it.
and for a moment of that day I am free.
free to be me.
to know in faith that I am loved by God.
free to trust that I am trying to do the best I can.
and that I have no ones life to live but mine.
what others choose to do, or are able to do, with their life, is a wonderful inspiring thing.
at times.
but often, theses are the thoughts I carry around all day...

her garden is greener,
her children are cleaner.
she is more creative
she is so innovative
her jokes are funnier
her food is yummier
she keeps her house so clean
she is so very lean
I wish that I could be more like her.
but she would never want to be me.

so there. there it is. the silent killer.
comparison.

it isn't always this way.some days, when I choose to believe my loving husband when he says I am amazing, I don't worry about what others are able to do.
some days I am okay with the fact that I don't make my own clothes or bake everyday.
and so, to you also, my friends.
know that you are amazing.
you are worthy.
a gorgeous child of God
what you are able to do is great.
what you wish you could do is also great.
but don't beat yourself down, with the blunt hammer of comparison.

comparison leads to jealousy
jealousy leads to judgment
judgment leads to disdain
disdain leads to anger
anger leads to death.


live.
choose life.
let the Spirit guide your thoughts.
love.
choose love.
believe the good things that are said about you.
laugh
choose laughter
affirm someone else, and really mean it.

I invite you now to say out loud one thing you are good at, or enjoy, something that makes you feel special - and when you say it, out loud, don't think about whether or not someone else in your life is better at that thing....concern yourself with you.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.....
........
..........
..............

there, did you say it?

"I am good at reading with character voices to my children, it makes them laugh"


there, I said it.



and God said "it is good"


xoxo

I hope you enjoyed July.
she is that dear friend that we only see once a year. but the time spent together is cherished. new memories made.
today is peaceful. I am spoiled by my new net book. by the fact that I have the chance to sit out on the deck and reflect. the trees grow up around me, swaying with the warm zephyr that is hanging around to play today.
we were down at the water this morning. my skin is still warm from the sand and sun. I have grown less afraid of the sun the past years. I love to think of the vitamin D my body is soaking up, rather than the possible skin cancer. I feel stronger after being in the sun. a bit like superman.
two of the children have gone off together to pick raspberries r. the baby will devour them with glee after his nap. and my oldest sits beside me reading a book. freshly washed laundry is baking in the sun.
I can hear people playing on the lake, in boats and such. calling to each other. squealing with joy.
Evenings are made up of card games and camp fires. we all sleep well. we are worn out from happiness.
and so she rolls by, july. I know that she will be gone, sooner than I would like of course. but like that friend that I see once a year. we live in the moment we have. we cherish the heat, the fresh produce, the dirty, shoeless feet and the laughs.....oh the laughs.

new home

we have been here for just over a month.
I fully intend to start a blog about the whole endeavor.
holla if you have lived with your in-laws.
AHH YAAAAAA
I bet mine are better than yours.

seriously though.
I have to admit that there have been moments that I didn't think this whole set up could work. but things are going really well.....I think.
we are happy.....as far as I can tell.

things have been constant and there is hardly a dull moment (so that when there is one it is very welcome!) and I want you all to know (I write that as if anyone actually reads this) that the adventure has just begun.

check back for exciting updates on our wonderfully entertaining daily life.

library love

Do you know your librarians by name?
Do your librarians know your name?

When we told the kids we were moving my daughter sobbed. THe only thing that cheered her up was finding out the the city we were moving to had 30 branches of the library.
Thirty - she could barely fathom it.
THen the questions;
"Does that mean we have 30 library cards?"
no honey, just one
"ONE card works for all 30 libraries?!"
"How do I get a card"
you have to prove you live in the city
"How?"
you give them your new address
"Then the librarian comes to your house to make sure you really live there?"
no, not quite. you just show them a hydro bill or something.
YOu know sweetie, they aren't going ot know us by name the way they do now. It is different in the city...

The potential of 30 branches out weighed the possibility of an impersonal library for her. I am not convinced yet.

Our librarians did know us by name. They knew what sort of books my kids liked, even what their favorite colours were. They asked how we had spent the weekend were excted to see us back after we went on holiday. My children's art was up on the walls.They let me know when books were added to the used book sale and they didn't need to ask for our card number for renewals.

We have now traded personal interaction for the convenience of self checkout.

If you are blessed to know your librarians, how many kids they have, what they like to read - appriciated it!
Make a point of bringing them cookies, flowers, home made thank you cards. You may even get your own thankyou are back from them (after you move and have to pay your overdue fines ;) ) that says you were one of their favorite families. Isn't it wonderful when the feeling is mutual.

I want to close with a little ditty my 7 year old daughter wrote about books ;

Books are wonderful
Some books are exciting and some books are sad.
Some books are happy.
There are lots of books in the world so....pick a book and read.
Books are a big part of my life.
They are fun.
I love books.


and if you are looking for some new titles to read to your little ones, here are a few of our favorites - go find them at your library!
The Biggest Bed in the World
Rattlebang Picnic
How to Make and Apple Pie and See the World

(and I have hundreds more suggestions if you need any...)

can we be honest here?

as I attempt to flee facebook, a little like Lot, trying not to look back for fear of turning into a pathetic pile of friendless salt
I come here to feel I have some sort of internet presence.
because, well, won't the world stop turnig once I stop posting my witty status updates....?

didn't think so.

but a girl can dream right?!?!

so, as was my intention in starting this blog in the first place, I come here to speak.
express myself.
keep you all up to date on the glamorous life of a twenty something homeschooling mother of four.
without facebook I hope to be more motivated (and have more time) to post here.

so here is the honesty part.

I am typing standing up.
holding a grumpy babe in the sling.
glass of wine just out of reach.
and I wish this day was over.

the hot water tank has stopped working.
(cold showers don't go over well with nine year old boys by the way)
and our housemates (my in-laws) are out of the country so we can't really make any major decisions tonight.
that is probably a good thing.

this wasn't really a bad day.
but just full
too full for my liking.
I like things to be simple and run smoothly.
I like to not worry about water heaters and septic tanks and I like the days when my kids are all angels best.
but,
where would I be without the crazy bedtimes and the dirty slings, the perma-grunge on the floor.
please be honest and tell my you have had these sort of days. not horrible.
just
too
full



now excuse me as I lay down my baby. I blogged him to sleep.

little miss yellow belt

cadence became a yellow belt a couple of weeks ago!
here she is sparing with dad - and winning I think!
and also, wearing the borrowed gi for the grading that was miles too big - the white belt went to her toes!. she did very well, but even her sensei addmitted that she got extra credit for being so darn cute!

preparing for Easter
we had a wonderful time making these with friends
can't wait to light it!

the laundry is hung outside!

it is march, and our sheets are drying in the sun.

what a gorgeous sun we have

with everything going on it has been wonderful to still find time to take walks
to smell the melting snow.

so much hope in march.

the longer i am alive the more it is the small things that make me smile.

he brought the kids ice cream bars

we put the house for sale today.
the first home we've owned.
this has been the longest we have lived in one place.
I have to admit I am not looking forward to selling the house....
but I am
at the same time.

mondays

today the phone has been ringing - a lot
to keep busy the kids sat themselves down and did all their book work independently,
then made a wonderful fort.


learning lots today! about love and co-operation, expressing ourselves....music is playing, all is well.

sunny days-cute baybay

he is too cute for words.

winter.
by February I am done with it all.
but those few, crisp, sunny afternoons
do leave us with beautiful memories.

praying for a miracle.

it is too much to ask?
isn't it ask and you shall recieve?

okay.
I won't ask for the miracle - to expect it.
but for the grace to accept.

but isn't it expect a miracle?

Please God.
I ask
and expect
whatever is to come....

quotes

Let no young man choosing the law for a calling for a moment yield to the popular belief -- resolve to be honest at all events; and if in your own judgment you cannot be an honest lawyer, resolve to be honest without being a lawyer. --Abraham Lincoln: July 1, 1850



Miss Agnes didn't think school was just for kids
"You have to keep learning all your life" she said.
That was a good thing to think about, always learning something new. It wasn't like you had to hurry up and learn everything right away before the learning time was over, it was like you could kind of relax and take your time and enjoy it.

~ From THE YEAR OF MISS AGNES
by Kirkpatrick Hill


"Mama? I have cof dwof?..... My fwote is dwy"
~Clark

Lucille: Don’t you judge me. You’re the selfish one. You’re the one who charged his own brother for a Bluth frozen banana. I mean, it’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars?

Michael: You’ve never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?”

25 things

1

if I could meet any character from the Office it would be Angela. I think it would be funny to have her be mean to me...

2

I have wonderful friends. alot of the things I was going to share were already written by people who tagged me. gee. thought I was origional! well, I guess I know why I'm friends with you guys!

3

I come from a big family. becuase of that people have always assumed I would have lots of kids. well, currently pregnant with #4 so I guess that is considered lots. not sure how many kids we will have though. never wanted to put a number on it. one at a time is all I can focus on!

4

I really like Dr. Pepper. but drinking pop is hard for me. there are too many bubbles. I always hiccup after the first sip.

5

I learn way more from teaching my children then I ever thought I would.

6

I love being an aunt and godmother almost as much as being a mother. children as so amazing. I know all the best ones!

7

four years after buying it I still can't beleive we own a house.

8

I was married young. 19.

9

I have been mistaken for my teenage brother.
so I guess that means I look like a boy.
I have also been mistaken for his mother.
so I guess that means I look older then I am.
I am an older then I am boyish looking woman.
but Darryl still says I'm pretty. and his is the only opinion that matters really.

10

I think I like Avatar even more then Daniel - but I coud never let him know that.

11

don't like video games much. 'cept Dr. Mario. which I can waste several hours playing.

12

if I had enough money I would replace every peice of furniture in my house. 'cept the baby cradle.

13

our baby cradle (which I love) usually ends up holding the baby clothes - instead of the baby. we always cosleep, family bed, whatever you want to call it, with our babies. I don't care what others say - I know it is the best place for my baby to be.

14

I like to have people over because it forces me to clean up the house. other wise...well...I'm a terrible house keeper.

15

I like to have people over becuase I like to be around people all the time.

16

I'm not really into animals. there have been a few exceptions. I'm hoping the baby coming will get rid of my childrens desire for a pet

17

I have a hard time spending money on myself, but no problem at all spending it on others.

18

I am an NFP instructor with my husband.
I think it is the most beautiful natural way to live and plan our family and I am so blessed to have a husband that agrees with me.

19

I love music. certain songs make me cry everytime I hear them. I get very excited when I find a new artist/band that I like and don't understand when the people I share it with don't get as excited by it as I do.

20

I don't think I'm a very nice person. sorry.

21

I miss our old Casio camera that was stolen. it has been 18 months, we have a new camera, but I still think about my old one.

22

I love the water.I grew up by it and I have a very hard time with the fact that my children are living in town without forrests and hills and lakes outside their door.

23

I wore the same shirt for school pictures every year of highschool. I'm such a dork. it seemed cool at the time.

24

I love to garden. I wasted many years thinking that I couldn't do it. I have no patience for reading books on it. but once I finally did it I discovered that things grow! pretty easily actually. but I think flower gardens are a waste of time. I only want to spend my time and money on something that will give a return. veggies are the way to go. but I do have a patch of flowers in front of the house. to create the illusion that I care. and I think my neighbours expect it.


25

I know in my heart that there is a God. many things going on in the world today make me sad for us as the human race. we need to love more. I know I need to love more.

september 2007

baby sister, baby

what is real love?
what is true strength?
what is pure beauty?
I was a witness to them today.
the overwhelming power of love, of strength, of beauty.

life.

it doesn't come easily (although her calm grace made it seem so!)
but it comes from love, with strength.
Life is pure beauty.

happy birthday Evita Rose Elizabeth

for the love of reading/ September 2007

he got up from the couch
read the last word from the book, zebra, just before closing it and tossing it on the coffee table, void of coffee, spilling over with more books
and then he let out a little laugh
followed by a very content sigh

even at age six
a good book is a good book!

tomatoes / December 2007

"I wonder why I don't like tomatoes?....They ARE my favorite colour....I guess they are just too squishy."
~Cadence Everett


I want to be five again.
I love having the honour of being Cadence's mother.
but sometimes...I wish I was her little peer...
I wonder how differently I would see her.

She is so very matter-of -fact.
but so free with her love giving.
I want to be five again...unaware of my ability to withhold love.

My daughter is a miracle.
everyday I see
more and more
"such a person"

a brother uncle/ Feb 2008

"sometimes after Sean leaves from visiting
I feel like I am floating in outter space- without a jet pack
so I can't get anywhere..."

~Daniel Everett

how is it that my six year old can express his feelings in such a beautiful sciencefictionay way as to make me say "yes, that is exactly how I feel"
except not just when Sean leaves, but all those I love.

you have to admit Daniel has come a long way from the crying screaming melt downs he use to have when Sean walked out the door, he is much more poetic these days...

we were recently talking about how times flies, how Sean use to be Daniel, ...the little guy who use to run to me each day as I got off the bus from school, the little boy I missed so much while away at college that all I ever wanted to do was come home and visit . the boy who I had to stop picking up and carrying around once I was pregnant with my own child, Sean was about ten at the time...I guess ten year olds don't need to be carried around really anyways...

now Sean is, well, much taller then me, and in a couple more years will be out on his own...and Daniel will be the "big cousin" that everyone climbs on...weird.

I need to get a jet pack

air drums in the van

couch buddies at Christmas

everyone's favorite uncle (sorry other uncles - you are all tied for a close second though...)

always willing to play

always willing to love

Written Feb 2008

"Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then
becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it
is an endless essay."

Anna Quindlen,
Newsweek Columnist and Author


I like this.
I can't even count the number of times I thought maybe we were doing it all "wrong".... I see now after a few years of trying to get it "right" that there are so many ways to raise a child.
Each child deserves to be raised as an individual,
we try our best to do what is "the right
way"
and it's hard,
but wonderful, so wonderful to watch a child grow!

Three children call me Mama.
Each of them with different needs and desires.
I pray for the strength to know how to give them each what they need.
to show them the right kind of love
to work together with their Dada in showing true love, and confidence, forgiveness, patience, kindness, compassion and faith.

Writing three essays at once is time consuming! But I am in no rush to be done.
If I don't have time to do this with my children, will they have time for me?
I thank God for the proof readers in my life, our parents and incredible siblings, cousins and so many wonderful friends. For your encouragement, wisdom, support, and love. Know that I am always here for you the same way you have been for me. AN d of course praise God for my writing partner Darryl! Who is by far the most creative and patient, loving, and hilarious person I know. The father of our family, the one who first brought the joy.

I hope to finish our essays with a smile on my face, and (at least ;) ) three pairs of once little arms around my shoulders, loving me despite any failures, loving me because I tried my best to love them.

Thank you God
forever thank you.

christmas goofs

like darry in so many ways...except one loves to mow the lawn and the other hates it.

Sora our sweet love

planting one on mom...
still doesn't mind kissing his mommy on the lips.

Evita our little treasure

Auntie Alisha with Daniel

Grandma Patti with our kids and the other "big" cousin, Erik.

our darling Kai

Della Sunshine

Gabriel our "first love" and Joshua and Jasmine.

Clark's quote of the day; · September 28th, 2008

"I airbended my snot back in my nose!"


someone has been watching a bit too much Avatar...

ahhhhhhh FrEaK oUt!!!

how can I be such a utter failer at everything I do?
today ends lacking.
it lacked that patience I told myself to have.
the love
the honesty.

I feel totally under a large blanket of pressure.
a spirtiual attack?
perhaps.
yes
but I can't blame my behavior on others.
cant' say the devil made me do it.
I know that only I can make me do.

and I let it all happen today.

but,
children are so loving
so forgiving

I recognize my critical nature comes from the home I grew up in.
and yet I am *fairly* well adjusted and secure.
so too, I hope, my children will look back and see the joy
the love
the fun times.

please don't hang on the mistakes.
please know that under the freak out loose it mom is an I love you more than words can express mom
you are worthy
and beautiful.