I am dying a very slow death. in some terrible way it is more like a suicide at times.
little by little, each day, I compare.
I compare myself.
to others
to you.
and every now and then I am blessed with the passing ability to recognise it.
and for a moment of that day I am free.
free to be me.
to know in faith that I am loved by God.
free to trust that I am trying to do the best I can.
and that I have no ones life to live but mine.
what others choose to do, or are able to do, with their life, is a wonderful inspiring thing.
at times.
but often, theses are the thoughts I carry around all day...
her garden is greener,
her children are cleaner.
she is more creative
she is so innovative
her jokes are funnier
her food is yummier
she keeps her house so clean
she is so very lean
I wish that I could be more like her.
but she would never want to be me.
so there. there it is. the silent killer.
comparison.
it isn't always this way.some days, when I choose to believe my loving husband when he says I am amazing, I don't worry about what others are able to do.
some days I am okay with the fact that I don't make my own clothes or bake everyday.
and so, to you also, my friends.
know that you are amazing.
you are worthy.
a gorgeous child of God
what you are able to do is great.
what you wish you could do is also great.
but don't beat yourself down, with the blunt hammer of comparison.
comparison leads to jealousy
jealousy leads to judgment
judgment leads to disdain
disdain leads to anger
anger leads to death.
live.
choose life.
let the Spirit guide your thoughts.
love.
choose love.
believe the good things that are said about you.
laugh
choose laughter
affirm someone else, and really mean it.
I invite you now to say out loud one thing you are good at, or enjoy, something that makes you feel special - and when you say it, out loud, don't think about whether or not someone else in your life is better at that thing....concern yourself with you.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.....
........
..........
..............
there, did you say it?
"I am good at reading with character voices to my children, it makes them laugh"
there, I said it.
and God said "it is good"
xoxo
9 comments:
Ah ha! I have found out who Ms. Shift is. I found your comment in my email this morning and thank God for blogger profiles otherwise I wouldn't have known it was you, dear Cecilia. And what a poignant post. So good to hear that someone as admirable as you also suffers terribly from the comparison bug. (Not good that you suffer from it but that I am not alone.) And here's my self affirmation: I am good at keeping a clean house. Ha! But, I suck at crafts and I'm OK with that. Nevertheless, there are some days that I literally fall asleep catalouging (sp?) my failures in comparison to others in the hope that one day I might grow a garden, bake regularly, homeschool and stop watching HGTV. Thanks for the honesty.
What a timely post! A friend and I just had a lengthy conversation about our competitiveness this morning...I feel inadequate constantly. Behind it of course is a hint of jealousy...because dammit, I just want to be really good at something and be admired for it! I think competitiveness or comparison goes hand in hand with insecurity...something SO many women and especially mothers struggle with, (I know I do)...I want to be able to celebrate the things in others that I admire, not condemn myself for not being able to pull off all the same things. It's all a growth process however...and sometimes we fall flat on our faces in the learning of it!
So...here's my good...I'm good at crafts...simple little crafts...it's where I find my joy, and sometimes where I take respite from being a mother/wife/partner/friend.
Thank you sweet mama for this very well timed post.
xo maureen
Thank you so much for your inspiring words, Cecelia.You are such a gift to this world. I can so relate. I am infamous for comparing myself to others...and to creating huge expectations for myself that are so impossible to attain. Thus I am constantly feeling inadequate.But the truth is, we are more than adequate...we are awesome creations of God! I constantly tell my kids that God doesn't make mistakes...that although they don't like their freckles or their "stubby" toes...that God loves how He made them...that He doesn't make mistakes. If only we could see ourselves as he does. He delights in us!! Truth is, I don't feel so "delightful" most days. I get to the end of my day and think why couldn't I have done things better...been more patient...made a bigger dent in the laundry...been more present to my teenagers...the list goes on and on. Instead of playing that comparison game, however, I should be taking my three year old's words to heart "I love you mommy, you take such good care of us". My house may not be perfectly tidy, I may not have fresh baking every day, I don't have time to sew cute things...but I think my kids know I love them and will take care of them. :)
I am going to print this out and stick it on my fridge. Does our culture encourage this in little girls? What steps can we take to TRULY embrace our own gifts, and those of others, without judgment, jealousy, and anger? Imagine the added joy we'd glean from those things we are good at, if we could do them without immediately thinking "...but so and so's is nicer/better/greener/cleaner..."
Oh, Cecilia, this is so uplifting, thought-provoking, and beautiful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Oh...I'm not good at arranging flowers or housekeeping. I am good at making my children and students feel loved and respected. I still criticize myself each day (I could have spent more time with the kids, I could have kept my voice calmer, I could have...) You know the drill. But this post will be my new affirmation.
Stephanie
great writing cec. always admired your spirit in high school - so beautiful, fun, honest... truly yourself. xo
I just read this post and it left me felling sooooo grateful that i bumped into you today... so often i find myself comparing myself to other mama's. I always feel like i am "not quite enough" it is sooo hard for me to say and believe positive things about myself, but you have inspired me, so here goes, "i am good at cooking for my family, and teaching my daughter that women come in all shapes, sizes, and beauty.I am good at teaching my son that marching to his own drummer is not only good, but essential" Whew ! there .... i said it.. that wasn't so hard. thanks sooo much for the inspiration!
light and love
Sometimes I think about how stupid we would think it is to overhear a man say, "he looks better in Levis than I do", or "his car is so much shinier than mine", or "he can barbecue chicken so much better than me". Seriously!
I will practise what you have suggested and do the same with my daughters. Maybe a new bedtime ritual of saying one thing they were proud of or good at that day?
I am a really good cook, I am an excellent hostess, my husband thinks I am hot, and my kids adore me. There's four!
Hi there :)
I love this post!
My 11-year-old homelearning daughter would like to use part of this post as a quote to accompany drawings for sale on the etsy shop she is creating. The two quotes she would like to use are:
"Love. Choose Love. Believe the good things that are said about you."
"I invite you now to say out loud one thing you are good at, or enjoy, something that makes you feel special - and when you say it, out loud, don't think about whether or not someone else in your life is better at that thing. Concern yourself with you."
I'm wondering if you would give her permission to use your words, and if so, how would you like to be credited?
Thank you!
ange, I am just seeing your comment now....months after you posted it...wondering if it is too late to respond to you and your daughter...
please post again if you get this...and I will be sure to pay better attention!
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