death by comparison.

I am dying a very slow death. in some terrible way it is more like a suicide at times.
little by little, each day, I compare.
I compare myself.
to others
to you.
and every now and then I am blessed with the passing ability to recognise it.
and for a moment of that day I am free.
free to be me.
to know in faith that I am loved by God.
free to trust that I am trying to do the best I can.
and that I have no ones life to live but mine.
what others choose to do, or are able to do, with their life, is a wonderful inspiring thing.
at times.
but often, theses are the thoughts I carry around all day...

her garden is greener,
her children are cleaner.
she is more creative
she is so innovative
her jokes are funnier
her food is yummier
she keeps her house so clean
she is so very lean
I wish that I could be more like her.
but she would never want to be me.

so there. there it is. the silent killer.
comparison.

it isn't always this way.some days, when I choose to believe my loving husband when he says I am amazing, I don't worry about what others are able to do.
some days I am okay with the fact that I don't make my own clothes or bake everyday.
and so, to you also, my friends.
know that you are amazing.
you are worthy.
a gorgeous child of God
what you are able to do is great.
what you wish you could do is also great.
but don't beat yourself down, with the blunt hammer of comparison.

comparison leads to jealousy
jealousy leads to judgment
judgment leads to disdain
disdain leads to anger
anger leads to death.


live.
choose life.
let the Spirit guide your thoughts.
love.
choose love.
believe the good things that are said about you.
laugh
choose laughter
affirm someone else, and really mean it.

I invite you now to say out loud one thing you are good at, or enjoy, something that makes you feel special - and when you say it, out loud, don't think about whether or not someone else in your life is better at that thing....concern yourself with you.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.....
........
..........
..............

there, did you say it?

"I am good at reading with character voices to my children, it makes them laugh"


there, I said it.



and God said "it is good"


xoxo

I hope you enjoyed July.
she is that dear friend that we only see once a year. but the time spent together is cherished. new memories made.
today is peaceful. I am spoiled by my new net book. by the fact that I have the chance to sit out on the deck and reflect. the trees grow up around me, swaying with the warm zephyr that is hanging around to play today.
we were down at the water this morning. my skin is still warm from the sand and sun. I have grown less afraid of the sun the past years. I love to think of the vitamin D my body is soaking up, rather than the possible skin cancer. I feel stronger after being in the sun. a bit like superman.
two of the children have gone off together to pick raspberries r. the baby will devour them with glee after his nap. and my oldest sits beside me reading a book. freshly washed laundry is baking in the sun.
I can hear people playing on the lake, in boats and such. calling to each other. squealing with joy.
Evenings are made up of card games and camp fires. we all sleep well. we are worn out from happiness.
and so she rolls by, july. I know that she will be gone, sooner than I would like of course. but like that friend that I see once a year. we live in the moment we have. we cherish the heat, the fresh produce, the dirty, shoeless feet and the laughs.....oh the laughs.