broken glass

nothing changes the pace of my day quite like broken glass.
you know what i mean.
the day is going along swimmingly
everyone is full from lunch and about to run off and play for a few minutes
with full bellies and renewed energy
the children clear the table obediently and you start to daydream about all the things you are needing to do/get done.
the aftenoon will be productive and you -

SMASH!!!!
crack shatter bam tinkle...crunch.......

"NOBODY MOVE!"
"don't worry mom", the five year old at fault looks at you with puppy dog eys, "I know I'm not in trouble, it was an accidnet. I even was thinking that plates can break so i took it from the table extra careful."

unfortunately gorgeous tile in the kitchen = broken dishes

so, the positives.
I didn't yell.(despite my use of capital letters a few lines up)
it made us all start to move a little slower (always a good thing)
my floors got swept, vaccumed, and washed!
I have one less dish to wash.

simplify. right?!?!

in and out

ah

I sit here with my tea,
my adorable little red notebook (net book?)
and I am drawing one big, overwhelmingly humongous blank.

see, the thing is
I am alone.
actually alone.

for a homeschooling mother with a nursing toddler I can tell you that this doesn't happen very often.

I have a pile of laundry to put away (don't mind washing it, or folding it but it never seems to get put away)
and I know that I would feel very good seeing a clean room
with empty baskets
but I would like to blog.

so, here I am with nothing to say.
no inspiring words.
just breathing in and out.
and letting my fingers type.

my ginger tea warms me on this dreary day
and I see the mug as half full.

I am not always a half full kind of person

but today I am
this was a nice day.

we have finished a full month of school
the roller coaster has been up, way up
and down

waaa
a
a

aaa
aaa
y

down.

we always start september with expectations,
to learn lots and have fun fun fun!
but with (my) expectations come
over scheduled days,
and way too many workbooks (will I ever learn?)

so.
where do you go once the roller coaster stops?

well, that's easy
you jump off and run as fast as you can to get in line for the next wild ride!

I am quite sure I won't get on here to write for another week or so,
it seems to be my pattern.
lots of wonderful and wild things will happen around here from now until then
probably involving food, and baby poop, friends, books, music, clothing, nature, paint and clay, cuddles and... well... lets face it, more baby poop
you know, all that life stuff
I will have no time to document it,
and when I finally do I will have very little to say

but
that is life, is it not?
a lot of regular stuff
in with some fancy fun now and then
a fight or two to upset things
but loads of forgiveness
smiles
collapsing exhausted on the couch with my spouse once the kids are asleep
but saving just enough of myself for those last hours of the day.
a moment to reflect
to connect
and to imagine the possibilities of the following day

30

woke up to breakfast in bed from my eight year old pixie.
angels singing to me and jumping on me.
love.
cocoa quinoa puffed cereal with delicious raw milk.
and a muffin.
some new chapstick. and a new cd.

ingrid michaelson.
if you haven't heard this girl go have a listen

first song that came on said what i was feeling today.

I woke up this morning with a funny taste in my head
Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread
Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue
Something tastes different, suddenly I'm not so young

I'm just a stranger, even to myself
A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf

and so, with my cup of coffee and my babies around me i welcome this day...this year...this decade...ready to embrace...
hello life.

are you missing someone today?
someone living.
someone passed.
is someone on your heart, but out of sight?

i miss my baby brother today.
he is across the pond in Ireland for the year.
i am so excited for him, that he is there, but I can't help but ache to see him.

you know those people that always make your day better when you seen them. whether you were having a good day already, or it was one of those you would rather leave - that person enters it and your day is instantly taken up a level.

i miss my husband.
he just left for work.
he is only 15 minutes away. and I can talk to him on the phone at any time.
but i still miss him.

you know those people that you are around constantly and never get sick of. you are so use to being with them you feel strange and a bit empty when you are not.

i miss my paternal grandfather.
i never met him. he died years before i was even born.
i miss knowing him. i wonder what it would feel like to have him look into my eyes and smile at me. hug me.


you know that person you have heard all the stories about? you know that if you could just meet them you would get along swimmingly. one more person in your life to love. is it even possible to miss the unknown? or is that another emotion all together?

i am not sad today. i didn't mean for this post to sound so.
i am just missing some people.....
does that mean i am sad.
does missing = sorrow?
no
but I do have three kisses for three men i can't presently kiss.

i better go plant them on my babies!

(who are you missing today?)

death by comparison.

I am dying a very slow death. in some terrible way it is more like a suicide at times.
little by little, each day, I compare.
I compare myself.
to others
to you.
and every now and then I am blessed with the passing ability to recognise it.
and for a moment of that day I am free.
free to be me.
to know in faith that I am loved by God.
free to trust that I am trying to do the best I can.
and that I have no ones life to live but mine.
what others choose to do, or are able to do, with their life, is a wonderful inspiring thing.
at times.
but often, theses are the thoughts I carry around all day...

her garden is greener,
her children are cleaner.
she is more creative
she is so innovative
her jokes are funnier
her food is yummier
she keeps her house so clean
she is so very lean
I wish that I could be more like her.
but she would never want to be me.

so there. there it is. the silent killer.
comparison.

it isn't always this way.some days, when I choose to believe my loving husband when he says I am amazing, I don't worry about what others are able to do.
some days I am okay with the fact that I don't make my own clothes or bake everyday.
and so, to you also, my friends.
know that you are amazing.
you are worthy.
a gorgeous child of God
what you are able to do is great.
what you wish you could do is also great.
but don't beat yourself down, with the blunt hammer of comparison.

comparison leads to jealousy
jealousy leads to judgment
judgment leads to disdain
disdain leads to anger
anger leads to death.


live.
choose life.
let the Spirit guide your thoughts.
love.
choose love.
believe the good things that are said about you.
laugh
choose laughter
affirm someone else, and really mean it.

I invite you now to say out loud one thing you are good at, or enjoy, something that makes you feel special - and when you say it, out loud, don't think about whether or not someone else in your life is better at that thing....concern yourself with you.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.....
........
..........
..............

there, did you say it?

"I am good at reading with character voices to my children, it makes them laugh"


there, I said it.



and God said "it is good"


xoxo

I hope you enjoyed July.
she is that dear friend that we only see once a year. but the time spent together is cherished. new memories made.
today is peaceful. I am spoiled by my new net book. by the fact that I have the chance to sit out on the deck and reflect. the trees grow up around me, swaying with the warm zephyr that is hanging around to play today.
we were down at the water this morning. my skin is still warm from the sand and sun. I have grown less afraid of the sun the past years. I love to think of the vitamin D my body is soaking up, rather than the possible skin cancer. I feel stronger after being in the sun. a bit like superman.
two of the children have gone off together to pick raspberries r. the baby will devour them with glee after his nap. and my oldest sits beside me reading a book. freshly washed laundry is baking in the sun.
I can hear people playing on the lake, in boats and such. calling to each other. squealing with joy.
Evenings are made up of card games and camp fires. we all sleep well. we are worn out from happiness.
and so she rolls by, july. I know that she will be gone, sooner than I would like of course. but like that friend that I see once a year. we live in the moment we have. we cherish the heat, the fresh produce, the dirty, shoeless feet and the laughs.....oh the laughs.

new home

we have been here for just over a month.
I fully intend to start a blog about the whole endeavor.
holla if you have lived with your in-laws.
AHH YAAAAAA
I bet mine are better than yours.

seriously though.
I have to admit that there have been moments that I didn't think this whole set up could work. but things are going really well.....I think.
we are happy.....as far as I can tell.

things have been constant and there is hardly a dull moment (so that when there is one it is very welcome!) and I want you all to know (I write that as if anyone actually reads this) that the adventure has just begun.

check back for exciting updates on our wonderfully entertaining daily life.